I hate this blog because all it does is remind me of someone who said they’d never leave me but in the end did.
When I think about Tom I can’t help but start to get teary eyed. I believe with all my heart I’m going to marry him some day. Nobody else comes close to making me feel how he does. If I could I would spend all my free time with him. I just love him do much jdjdidjensndlwoaldjdj.
I don’t know why I’ve been thinking about dying so much this week. I’ve just been sitting here and just thinking about my funeral. I would like to think my funeral would be fun. I want nobody to be there for more than 3 hours, there is to be no tears unless you’re crying from laughing so much, oh and an open bar so everyone can be drunk and have a good time.
It’s weird that I’m actually planning out my funeral. I don’t really know what I’m living for anymore. I mean yeah there’s my mom, Meadow, Tom, and my friends, but I just feel like there’s not a lot left for me for some reason. I would like to make it until I’m 80 but I don’t see myself getting that old.
I don’t know, I just want to fast forward all this.
Knowing that nobody believes in you is the worst feeling in the world. I will graduate, I will do something with my life, I’m not going to sit around after high school I’m going to start school before other kids. Today was the worst day. I haven’t thought about suicide for months until today. I’m never good enough. I’ll never be good enough. I don’t know why I’m still here.
Being with Tom tonight was just unexplainable. I just can’t get over how perfect tonight went. I just want his kisses and to cuddle with him more. So perfect. I want to see him again like right now.
I’m nervous for Tom to finally be here. I just never had something as nice as this. I’m comfortable, I’m happy, I have a feeling of safety that just makes everything okay. I just can’t wait until he’s here with me :)
